The Spirit World Part 2: Escaping Bioware – A Help Guide.

(This is Part 2 of an ongoing community-driven story – check out Part 1 here)

So, you are trapped in a bathroom at Bioware HQ and there is a crocodile man wielding a lightsaber about to storm in and capture you.

Yep, that sums up my current situation.

What are you trying to achieve from this help guide?

I’m trying to stay alive.

Which bathroom are you in?

I’m not sure, it was a bit of a blur as I was running.

You have no idea whether you are in the male or female bathroom?

Well… there were a few women in here when I entered, but they left… immediately.

I think its safe to assume that this is the female bathroom.

Why does any of this matter?

It could become relevant at a later date.

The crocodile man sounds like he can’t open a door.

He is a crocodile man with a lightsaber. I don’t think the door is going to be much of a problem.

Oh… there goes that plan.

What plan? You had no plan, that’s why you summoned me.

Well you haven’t been much help have you?

Hey, I’ve kept you alive.

We are stuck in a bathroom with a crocodile man about to break the door down. I’m not going to be alive for much longer at this rate. And we still don’t have a plan.

Hey, your about to have your soul ripped from your body and you are choosing to argue with me instead of letting me think?

Ok, I’m sorry. Now, how do I escape?

Is there a window?


Ok, I am out of ideas.

What, that was your big idea – a window?

It would have worked.

Oh shit.

What, what’s happening…?

The crocodile man has crashed through the door.

Back yourself into a corner. It may give you a couple more seconds…


(Some time later)

Urgh, my head.

What happened, did you faint?

Get up.

Wha, who are you?

My name is Stephen Reid.

Are you injured, can you run?

I’m fine.

Good, I would not have been pleased if my companion had hurt you.


Yes, Qyzen Fess as I like to call him.


I need to give you information so that you can do this properly next time… Then, I shall allow you to escape.

I don’t think he can hear me. Act like you can’t hear me.

That’s what I’ve been doing.

But you don’t know all the facts and therefore have just been running around like a mad man talking to yourself.

Well, what is this information.

Bioware is owned by another company.


Everybody knows EA controls Bioware.

But not just EA. EA is controlled by an entity much older than this planet. They call themselves the Reapers.

You mean from Mass Effect?

We were trying to warn humanity with Mass Effect.

Wait up. The Reapers are real?

I have said all I can. Now you must leave. There is an escape pod behind you. Also, you are going to need this.

As soon as you can, RUN. Also what did he give you.

He gave me the lightsaber.

Cool, let me know when you are in the escape pod.

I’m in, how does this work.

Press the big red button, it should take you to Bioware and remember, you mus—

What happened, why cant we hear him?

The door closed.

Why would the door closing prevent you from being able to hear him.

Whoa, we are in space. And I think Stephen Reid was on a space station.

You’re kidding. You actually got to go to the EA space station.

EA have a space station?

Yea, its more like an orbital station though.

Is there a difference?

As far as you care, no. Anyway what colour is the lightsaber.

I’m not going to activate it untill we are on the ground.

Why? I’m curious.

I would rather not punch a hole in this small escape pod.

Good point. What’s happening in the pod?

There is a flashing light that says warning on it.


This concludes the “Escape From Bioware HQ Via The Spirit World Help Guide”

Wait, you cant leave me like this, what do I do?

For more help guides visit…

What, I need help now!

I would suggest the “Planning An Attack on BioWare HQ Via The Spirit World Help Guide”. However, in the meantime I would recommend… Try and land the pod.


Community involvement:

Option 1) Allow the pod to try and land itself

Option 2) Try and land the pod yourself



Community Involvement 2: what colour should the lightsaber be?

Option 1) Blue

Option 2) Red

Option 3) Other


Voting will close a week after release. Post your vote in comments!



For sneak peaks at the next part join SWTOR Gamers of Oceania

An original Ken Clark / TOROZ production


  1. Try to land yourself… that should lead to a whole world of pain.

    And red…

  2. Option 1 then option 3: white

  3. Flamegear says

    I would choose….
    Option 2) Try and land the pod yourself Option 3) Other 

    • Flamegear says

      Okay, that didn’t post right. 

      I would choose >Option 2) Try and land it yourselfOption 3) Other< "Ultima Pearl colour", because you just know that anyone from Bioware would have the rarest colour crystal possible. 😉

  4. 2, 3

    Other like the rakghoul crystal (black center green outside) >:D

  5. pink and try to land it yourself

  6. Antjohnst says

    Other – That sort of disgusting silvery/gold colour seen on some cars. I believe they call it ‘champagne’ 

    • Antjohnst says

       Oh yeh and let the pod land itself – chill out man. If autopilot is anything like the quality of my GPS it should be ‘sometimes sweet’.

  7. Thanks for the input guys. Part 3 is almost ready, should be out next week sometime.